Okay, okay, so I have to share with you guys and it TOTALLY isn’t sewing related but I have to get it off my chest (you’ll get that joke in a minute here) so I can get my sewjo back! I have tried to keep a secret, or rather, I just haven’t been entirely transparent. I don’t always share because if I always shared everything, it would get old SO quickly. Plus, in this case, there really wasn’t anything TO share. But now there is….nothing major…just life stuff.
So today I had to to the hospital to have bilateral biopsies. After a DNA test in the spring revealed Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry as well as a mutation of the BRCA2 gene, my PCP offered me an early baseline mammogram. Of course I took her up on it! Of course! I wanted to make sure I stayed WAY ahead of this!
Ha! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Ha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh come on! You can laugh with me.
So the basic story is my boobs are pretty sketchy and one or more might be going to the dark side.
It has been amazing that along the way, over the past almost decade of diagnosis after diagnosis….I really tend to feel stronger every time I’ve been able to come up for air with another weight hanging from my shoulders. It doesn’t feel like a burden, but something I have trained to endure.
So I leave you with these thoughts I jotted down the other night:
You know that moment when you really think you need a break, when you think if you bend any more, you will actually snap? You won’t.
You know when you are at your breaking point and you know there is just nothing more you can take? You are treading water, but you are carrying as much as you can while also keeping yourself afloat? There is no more you can bear while you also continue to breathe? You will continue on breathing and bearing the weight.
Then life forces you to bear one more burden, you have to carry one more load on your shoulders. There is no choice. You cannot tread water any longer.
So what do you do?
You can’t breathe.
You have to learn to be a fish. You have to learn to get your oxygen from the water. You have to learn how to survive in a new way. That load is a weightless burden under the water as the entire ocean carries it for you.
It’s all or nothing.
I. HAVE. GILLS.
Just keep swimming friends! 🙂